Ask Better Questions, Heal More Deeply: A December Reflection for Your Mind, Body, and Nervous System

December naturally invites us to pause.
... To breathe.
... To reflect on the year behind us and gently turn toward the one ahead.

For many people living with chronic pain, this season can bring up a mix of emotions, hope, tenderness, exhaustion, gratitude, longing, and everything in between. But it also offers a powerful opportunity to shift how we speak to ourselves… and how we guide our nervous system toward healing.

This month, I’ve been exploring one simple but transformative idea: The questions you ask shape the reality you experience.

This is especially true when it comes to pain, stress, and your ability to heal.

Let’s walk through three types of questions that can help you soften your body, settle your mind, and step into the new year with compassion and possibility.

1. The Power of Asking Better Questions

When you’re hurting, it’s completely natural to ask:
Why am I still in pain? Why isn’t this working? Why can’t I feel better?

These questions aren’t wrong, they’re survival questions.

Your nervous system is trying to understand discomfort and protect you from further threat.

But your brain’s Reticular Activating System (RAS) is always listening.

It filters your world based on the questions you ask.

So when you ask, “Why am I still in pain?” your RAS scans for more evidence of pain.

Not because you’re negative … but because your brain believes your question is a directive.

This is why shifting to better questions can create an immediate shift in your perception, mood, and physiology. Questions like:

• What’s going well in my body today?

• Where can I find a moment of ease?

• What tiny improvement can I notice right now?

• What might healing feel like, even for one minute?

These kinds of questions invite your RAS to search for safety, comfort, and possibility — subtle shifts that matter deeply to a healing nervous system.

One question that changed everything for me during my own journey was:
“What if my body is trying to heal me… and this pain is simply a signal?”

That question softened something inside me.
It created space where fear had been living.
And in that space, healing could finally begin.

2. Gentle Reflection Questions for the Year You Just Lived

Mid-December has its own quiet magic.
Soft lights. Warm drinks. A collective slowing down, even if only a little.

It’s also a time when many people with chronic pain look back on the year and feel a heaviness. Maybe things didn’t unfold the way you hoped. Maybe you faced challenges you never expected. Maybe it feels like you're carrying more than you wanted to carry.

This is where gentle reflection becomes a healing tool.

When we look back harshly, the nervous system tightens.
But when we look back with compassion, the body softens, and that softening creates space for renewal.

Here are a few healing-focused reflection questions to try:

• Where did I show strength this year, even if no one else noticed?
  Your body remembers every moment you kept going.

• What small choices helped me move toward healing?
  Stretching, drinking water, choosing rest, saying no… it all counts.

• What supported me this year?
  A practice, a friend, a moment of peace, a new perspective.

• What am I ready to lovingly release?
  Old stories, fears, expectations, or patterns.

• What can I thank my body for?
  Even after hard days, your body works tirelessly for you.

And perhaps the most important: How can I acknowledge myself for getting through this year?

You have shown courage, resilience, and the willingness to keep going.
Honor that. Celebrate that. You deserve it.

3. Holiday Questions to Reduce Stress and Increase Calm

As the holidays approach, emotions often intensify, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, or simply the season itself.

It can be joyful.
It can be stressful.
It can be tender.

This is where asking better questions becomes an anchor.

When stress rises, our minds slip into survival questions like:
How am I going to get through this? Why is this so overwhelming? Why can’t I handle more?

Totally normal… but these questions contract the nervous system.

Try asking questions that create safety instead:

• What do I need right now to help my body feel safe?
  Often the answer is breath, stillness, warmth, or a moment alone.

• What is mine to carry… and what isn’t?
  Especially helpful during family gatherings.

• How can I choose calm in this moment?
  Just this moment, not forever.

• Where can I soften by one percent?
  Your expectations, your jaw, your shoulders, your self-talk.

• What would be the most loving choice for me today?
  Love is one of the body’s strongest signals of safety.

You can place a hand on your heart, take a breath, and ask.
Your body will answer.

This season isn’t about perfection or forced cheerfulness.
It’s about caring for yourself in ways that support healing.
It’s about presence, not pressure.

As You Move Through the Rest of December…

Let your questions be your guide.
Let them help you notice what’s working, not just what’s hurting.
Let them open tiny pockets of calm, clarity, and possibility.

Better questions don’t just change your mindset, they change your biology.

And you deserve to enter the new year with a nervous system that feels supported, hopeful, and gently aligned with healing.